[security-services] FW: Editorial comments on draft-sstc-core-25

["Philpott, Robert" <rphilpott@rsasecurity.com>]

-----Original Message-----
From: Eve L. Maler [mailto:eve.maler@sun.com] 
Sent: Thursday, January 17, 2002 4:12 PM
To: Philpott, Robert
Cc: 'pbaker@verisign.com'; 'eve.maler@sun.com'; Philpott, Robert
Subject: Re: Editorial comments on draft-sstc-core-25

Hello Rob,

Thanks for the comments.  I'm going to suggest that you send this along to 
the security-services list anyway, as it's an easy way to get an archive of 
the comments and it allows to do the editing in a more distributed way, if 
necessary.  Thanks!

         Eve

At 04:31 PM 1/16/02 -0500, Philpott, Robert wrote:

>Phillip, Eve,
>
>
>
>Being new to the process/effort, I've got a fresh set of eyes reviewing 
>the documents.  I've picked up on some typo's and inconsistencies that 
>should be addressed.  Darren Platt (who I am replacing as the RSA rep) 
>indicated typo's and editorial comments should go directly to the document 
>editors.  If you feel any of these should go to the full list, let me 
>know.  Here goes:
>
>
>    * Line 33: "RSA" should be "RSA Security"
>    * Line 248: "See 7" should be "See Section 7"
>    * Line 380-382: The AssertionType is defined, but the <Assertion> 
> element is missing.
>�       <element name="Assertion" type="saml:AssertionType"/>
>    * Line 414: The <Conditions> element contains the following "elements" 
> (not element)
>    * Line 473: "a court would upholding" should be "a court would uphold"
>    * Line 680: "authenticationand" should be "authentication and"
>    * Lines 903 and 905: the wrong font is used.
>    * Lines 1081-1082: "and attribute" should be deleted.  The element 
> just extends ResponseAbstractType by just adding the two listed elements.
>    * Line 1121: "option" should be "optional"
>    * Line 1132: "Reciever" should be "Receiver"
>    * Line 1289: "signatures from in many" should be "signatures from"
>    * Line 1295: "Assertions: asserting party" should be "Assertions: the 
> asserting party"
>    * Line 1309: "SAML message obtained arriving" should be "A SAML 
> message arriving"
>    * Line 1316: "Section 3.3.1 & 3.5.1" should be "Sections 3.2.1 and 
> 3.4.1"
>    * Line 1330: "applies to all the" should be "applies to all of the"
>    * Line 1332: same comment as line 1330
>    * Lines 1334-1338: The first sentence should be written as a complete 
> sentence. For example, "Signature inheritance: occurs when SAML 
> message..." should be "Signature inheritance occurs when a SAML
message..."
>    * Line 1340: Is the cross-referenced section number (2.1) correct?
>    * Line 1344: "ML" should be "XML"
>    * Lines 1342-1355: XMLSig is referred to in several different ways: 
> "[XMLSig]", "XML Signature", [Sig], and [SIG].  One should be used 
> consistently.
>    * Line 1364: "here-in does not" should be "herein do not"
>    * Section 9 - some of the document URL's are out of date (e.g. 
> schema-protocol-21.xsd).
>
>
>Rob Philpott
--
Eve Maler                                    +1 781 442 3190
Sun Microsystems XML Technology Center   eve.maler @ sun.com

Rob Philpott
RSA Security Inc.
The Most Trusted Name in e-Security
Tel: 781-687-7585
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mailto:rphilpott@rsasecurity.com